GRIEF AND THE CIRCLE GAME

****Warning: This is not a happy post.

Art by Qakie

 

I’ve been off the grid.

You may have noticed, but probably not. That’s okay. If you’re anything like me, social media is a constant, incoming tide of information, ideas, book launches, and cat pictures. It’s good, to a point, but it can be overwhelming in its magnitude. That’s where I am now— overwhelmed. But I figured, in case you did happen to notice my absence, I could at least give you an explanation.

Things have been happening. I struggle to take them in.

 

My step-son died suddenly at the age of forty-seven.

My cat, Little, whom I’ve had with me for 11 of her 13 years, is slipping across the Bridge as I write.

I bought a new laptop.

For the past month, I’ve written nothing, but yesterday started Crazy Cat Lady #8, ADVENTURE CAT. (Thus the new laptop)

The sun is out in Portland, and I think it’s spring.

 

I’ve been sleeping a lot. When not sleeping, I am finally catching up on the old scifi show, Stargate SG-1. I’m on season 5.

Yes, I am still bathing and keeping up on the bills. Every so often, I do something interesting, like the other day when I went to Costco with my high school buddies. I bought new shoes at the Shoe Mill for my upcoming trip to the Cat Writers’ Association Conference in St. Louis. They are red.

But many things I’ve let slide. I skipped a poetry reading because I couldn’t face the public. I didn’t turn in my monthly Fire Star blog. I haven’t volunteered at the cat shelter for ages. I didn’t sweep floors, clean toilets, wash windows, or garden. I haven’t blogged. The list of “didn’ts” outweighs the list of “dids.”

 

Artwork by by Vladislava

They say I am in mourning. Is that what makes the sluggish, tiresome, useless heaviness that sits like a stone raven on my chest and soul? I suppose it is. Losing someone is huge. And at first, everyone sees that. Friends show up with soup and flowers, willing to water your plants and drive you places. But as time passes— for them, the usual day-to-day sequence of hours, but for me, a time tunnel of nothingness— they go to work and take care of their kids. I, on the other hand, will never be the same. That’s how loss is.

Death comes to us all. I need not deny it or shy away from its final reality. I have a program that helps me accept the things I cannot change, such as death, and urges me to have to courage to change what I can— my attitude. It will happen. Tat some point, the sleep won’t do it for me anymore; the need to immerse myself in television will lessen. My living, human spirit will urge me into action, if only to be of help to others. Or to get ice cream.

Anyway, thanks for understanding my lapse. You mean a lot to me, and I probably don’t tell you as often as I should. My writing sustains me, makes me feel as if I’m contributing to this wild ball of humanity, but it only works if someone is reading what I create.

I’m looking forward to my new laptop. Meanwhile, I think I’ll take a nap.

 

 

About Mollie Hunt

Loves cats. Writes books.
This entry was posted in Death & Dying, Emotion, Health, Wellness, Lifestyle, Secret Soul and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to GRIEF AND THE CIRCLE GAME

  1. catladymac says:

    I am sorry about your stepson, and about Little. Yes,grief does that. You will get out of bed. You will function again. But my depression began in 1957 when my Dad died – suddenly and unexpectedly. So don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t “getting over it.”

  2. Catwoods says:

    Mollie, my heart goes out to you. We lost a dear friend about two weeks ago, he was ill but expected to recover. The world doesn’t feel the same to me. And as you probably know because I’ve mentioned it online, I still miss my Ultraviolet cat so much I cry going through the pictures. Take all the time you need and take care of yourself. We will be here.

  3. I wish I could help. Take care. Be safe x sending hugs.

  4. Brian Frum says:

    I am so sorry for all you are going through right now and loss is very difficult. Please know we are thinking of you and send you all our love and extra hugs.

  5. Mollie, so sorry to read about your step-son and Little …yes, grief is universal. One thing I have learned is to do whatever feels right for you. We all handle grief, overwhelming sadness differently…never think you “should” do something …take care….

  6. I wish there were magic words that would make you feel better for a bit. Only time and your personal processing will get you there. Any loss is too soon and he was so young; if feels as if time has been stolen. Watching a beloved furbaby move towards that bridge is hard enough in a good time. May the happy memories help fill that place that loss had shoved into and may those memories bring fewer and fewer tears.

  7. chrisscatmeow says:

    So very sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you.Your gorgeous precious Little bless her she will be with you always in your heart.x🙀💔

  8. Edie Chase says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. Sending comforting thoughts.

  9. Debbie says:

    Mollie, I know what you’re going through, and I know that doesn’t help you feel better, but I want you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. For some reason, bad things seem to happen all at once. However, that only means that you’ll be in for some great things soon (think of St. Louis and all the fun at the CWA conference). You’ll always have your stepson and Little in your heart and will see them again one day like I know I’ll see my parents, Oliver, and all the cats I’ve loved and lost. Take care and Hugs ): ): ):

  10. Oh my, that is not good time for you all. We are so sorry about Little, and know when it happens it will not truly be easy— but your friends will be beside you, across the globe or next door, we will be there for you. Time is a great healer, for sure but the journey is what takes time and how we travel.
    As to naps? Well they sure are good, but too many make the cat lazy and fat. . . not that I would know of such things 😉
    Lots of gentle purrs
    ERin

  11. KiM says:

    I actually did notice the void where your name typically pops up in my reader feed. I’m so sorry it is for those reasons. I understand, and I’m sorry you are going through grief and mourning and your losses.

  12. Timmy Tomcat says:

    Sending our support of purrs and prayers

  13. I have noticed that you’d gone missing…so sorry to hear the reasons why. You must mourn, however, you’ve suffered huge losses. Do what you need to do–nurture your soul. The light will shine again and the fact that you wrote this post and started an new book is the beginning.

    Sending love and prayers…

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